Here's my diary! Sit down; take a look around!
| what's goin on in my world | 7/20/2004 |
| Well, I have to start by sayin I got in to the school I applied to for the fall. I made a call, and it doesn't sound like it's too far-fetched of an idea for me to get involved in the colorguard. That's cool. Stuff's goin well I think. It finally seems like the last two years of my life are actually moving into the past and like I'm finally starting my "future" or present or whatever. I know I didn't talk much here about the crap that's gone on, but thankfully it's really lookin to be over. The past like 6 months have been that stupid transition phase between the past and the present...or what SHOULD be the present...if any of this makes sense. For a long while it was seeming like nothing was really changing like it should, like I was getting stuck living in my past 2 years. I can finally see the end and the end result of the post-relationship crap and the end result of the questioning stuff...simply said, the crap, the junk. I can now really start to see with clear eyes the purpose of it, and appreciate it without living in it or on a constant basis thinking about it. For one of the first times in my life I actually feel at peace with the past being in the past...like, it happened, but it's not me. It doesn't define me, and it doesn't predetermine what I will do or go through now. The only other time where I really felt this way about something was when I was out of the anorexia...enough to not only have the mental stuff settled but when my eating habits had finally matched how mentally healthy I'd become. (Because the eating habits go even more slowly because of what you get used to doing...and those normalizing happense after your mind gets things straight for some time.) It's a nice feeling to know that I'm on the path I'm supposed to be on. I can't say I wasn't where I wasn't supposed to be before (God obviously allowed it for reasons that are apparent without resent to me only now.), but there was a lot of not-right stuff goin on...painful stuff and such. I'm lovin Ashlee Simpson's cd. One song ("Shadow") can say more concisely what I was just attempting to say...well the end of it does. The cd came out today. The whole thing rocks. (if you're into the almost poppy rock...not so poppy as the likes of Hillary Duff (personally, not a fan of her)...It's fun nonetheless.) I'm glad I can still listen to the cd for free through MTV.com. I have some things to save up for. yay! |
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